Day Two - Two Minutes
Today I took four shots at the challenge. Day two, two minutes. Each panel or independent thought represents an attempt at setting a timer and just drawing what comes out. This is something I struggle with immensely. The dog, my first attempt, was premeditated. I was laying in bed, thinking about getting up and thinking about this exercise, so naturally I began thinking about what I might draw. The words came to me first and the image was literally in front of me, curled up on my covers. When I sat down, I had a fleeting thought to abandon this idea and draw something else, anything else, but when the timer started, this was all I could get out. I was so fixated on making it that I felt rigid and immediately displeased with the result.
There’s something major here, about this inclination to constantly be forward planning to the degree that I struggle with being in the moment, here and now. Every day feels like it requires something a little different, meaning that my habits are only partially habits. I still spend so much energy planning if I will make coffee first, then shower, then walk the dog or if it would be better to shower immediately upon getting out of bed, then coffee, then dog walk. But in the summertime, it’s hot, so walking the dog before the sun get’s too intense is the best plan of action. Do you see how something as simple as my daily coffee, shower, dog-walking routine can occupy so much brain space? It’s no wonder I avoid creating.
To be fair, this isn’t my constant state of being (arrested in anxiety). What I described above with the dog walking and coffee drinking is more to illustrate what it’s like when I sit down to create. It’s this experience that has held me back from completing (and even starting) a lot of projects. After I drew the dog with the thought about dreams and space/time travel (which honestly took more like three minutes because I was so fixated on scribbling in some shading), I felt lighter and ready to try again. I know that if I keep showing up every day for this challenge, I’ll be able to loosen my grip on planning what comes out and perhaps just let whatever shows up, show up.